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The Intimacy of Fame

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Dearest Readers,

I feel a calling.  I’ve always felt my future, large, prosperous, being an influence to many, but especially now that I am publishing my book and making a living as a performer, I am leveling with that monster called Fame.

(For a backstory peek, check out my performance poem “Fame Monster.”)

I’ve referred to this feeling of impending fame as Oprahtastic (reaching millions…billions!).  Now, maybe this is my ego fluffing her peacock feathers, or maybe this is time dissolving and my present self sensing the impact of my future self.  I like to think the latter.  I want to help others feel fulfilled, inspired and happy.  I want to extend the joy in which I live my life to as many who seek it.  I’m good at it.  This is my calling.

I experienced the wild rush of being on stage to a packed out venue a few times while in New Zealand and Australia last year.  It’s addictive as good coffee, and satisfying as dessert.  Since moving back to Asheville, I’ve experienced a decent congregation of friends, family, and some newbies who have come to support me in poetry and readings.  I appreciate their presence from the top and bottom of my heart.  I know logically, that it takes time to make a name for yourself.  Much of my time the past few months have been spent in solitude, writing, getting the book done so it can be released to the world.  Still, in the meantime my prestigious future nags at me like an epically stellar dream that I’ve forgotten after waking.  I remember only the impression of it being epic and stellar.

And yet fame is scary.  The Fame Monster has driven people crazy, to drug/alcohol additions, to suicide.  My heart frowns at the gossip mags in the grocery aisles, at our tendencies to share a scandalous story.  Still, I’m not scared.  I am so deeply rooted in who I am, and care far more about my personal relationships than a persona created by fame.  So when the Fame Monster tugs with a claw at the tail of my comfy writing top, I remind myself it’s the positive motivation I want to provide people that drives my desire to be known.  And dolla-dollas from book/perfomance ticket sales don’t hurt.

Before I am inundated with sales (because I will be), now’s the most excellent time to center.  It always is, really.

I spend a few hours each Tuesday and Thursday on the yoga mat.  I do Yoga Nidra in Weaverville Yoga, which I highly recommend as a time to focus on intentions in order to realize them.  Last week, my intention, something we call sankalpa, was “I am enjoying the intimacy of my fame.”  If Oprahtastic times are to come, these may be the last days of my relationships nurtured mostly face-to-face, conversation-to-conversation.

This is good.  Everyone wants their work to be known, their creative efforts to triumph with a satisfied audience, but I really do enjoy face-to-face, conversation-to-conversation.  This morning, I walked to work feeling the stress of my projects, deadlines with those snarky smiles, sarcastic in their demands for attention, “Are you really going to get this done?  Is anyone even going to see it?  Hear it?”  Yes.  I will.  They will.  The fear dissolves when I center at the secret to my happiness: enjoy the present.

I am enjoying my morning coffeeshop conversations, in the quiet, jazz-infused Allgood Coffee, in which I am a regular

I am enjoying the family-knitted relationship within Weaverville Yoga, the small classes, the witnessing of enthusiastic improvement within my students.

I am enjoying the burgeoning partnership between myself and The Battery Park Book Exchange.  I get to perform my work and those of literary greats.  I get to spread the words, words, words…

…and one day, the word about Randi Janelle and her inspirational art will start to roll of its own volition, like a bouncy-ball I’ve launched from the top of a Blue Ridge.  At that point, I will adjust my intention, my sankalpa, to something along the lines of “I am seeking more intimacy in my fame.”

Whether it’s ego, or a vision of my future, I know I will touch many with my words.  And with the same certainty, I know it’s the daily magic of interaction with those immediately around me that fuels my desire to work with people–to inspire, to create, to appreciate.

So many thanks for listening.  I hope your intentions are clear, and your conversations, intimately wonderful.

Love!

Randi

P.S.  Save this post, one day…I mean, TODAY it is worth something. 😉

 

 

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